


Learning to let the magic shine

by ca_te



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-10
Updated: 2010-09-10
Packaged: 2017-10-11 15:30:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/113917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is a young warlock living in Ealdor and having some sort of relationship with his life long friend Will. He has always dreamt to go to Camelot, but since he discovered his magic his mother thought that it would have been safer to keep him in Ealdor, considering King Uther's hate for magic.<br/>Arthur runs away from Camelot and arrives in Ealdor disguised as a peasant,under the name of Alistair. When they meet Merlin's magic starts to act strange. Something starts to blossom between them, but more revelations are yet to come. And what will happen when Arthur has to go back to Camelot?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2010 Whizzbangpop challenge. First of all thanks to merhin for having chose my fic even though she didn't manage to make art for it. Thanks to arithilim for having decided to make art for me on merhin's behalf. Then thanks to my betas: shadecat and sabriel75, who really saved my life. And finally thanks to whizzbangpop's mods for the hard work and to all my friends who supported me while I was writing this!

"Love and magic have a great deal in common. They enrich the soul, delight the heart. And they both take practice."

(Nora Roberts)  
1

Merlin brings his arms up over his head, the grass brushes against his hands and his neck, tingling. He closes his eyes before opening them again to look at the pieces of azure sky through the leaves. There's something special in the trees and in the air of this place; the place where he was born, where his mother has raised him. Merlin can feel it in his fingertips, in his bones, every morning when he wakes up, and he wonders if it's because of this place that he has magic flowing within his body; mixed up with his blood and organs. His mother has taught him a little about anatomy, along with teaching him how to write and to read.

She has told him she used to live in Camelot for a while. Sometimes, when Merlin was smaller, she would tell him stories to make him sleep, and her stories were full of castles, people and kings.  
Merlin used to imagine Camelot as the most wonderful place on earth; he used to think that he would definitely go there at least once in his life. But then, then his magic appeared.

It was a winter day and a lazy snow was falling over Ealdor while he, Will and the other boys were running around; their feet sinking slightly in the white carpet of the snow as they threw snow balls at each other. They were divided in two teams. Merlin and Will, like always, were teamed up as the Camelot's Knights and were panting as they hid behind a house and waited for the best moment to attack Albin and the others. They were always paired up together, as they were really close and had been since when they were small.

Merlin was leaning against the wooden wall while Will was trying to take a glance around the corner. The snow was still falling and Merlin lifted his gaze to look at it. It was then that he noticed the icicles hovering over Will's head, dangling dangerously because of the wind which was blowing more forcefully than before. It happened in an instant, before he could say anything, one icicle brook off and fell for Will's head. Merlin felt his eyes growing bigger with fear and almost automatically he raised his hand instead as if it could be of any help, and shouted Will's name. Then all of sudden it was as if something was surging from within him, he felt all the air being knocked out of his lungs, his heart dropping to the bottom of his ribcage. The icicle disintegrated midair, a thin dust of ice falling on top of Will's head. Merlin felt his knees shaking, it was as when they went to swim in the torrent and the stream was too strong, hitting his body and then retreating repeatedly. Standing there, his hand still stretched out, he felt as if something within him was pulsing, expanding and retreating. He let himself slide to the ground, Will was kneeling in front of him, his hand shaky but reassuring over Merlin's shoulder.

"W-What was that?"

Merlin raised his gaze and locked it with Will's, he could feel his mouth opening but no sound was escaping, he just wanted to be at home, curled under the blanket, far from the cold and from Will's stare.

"Merlin…"

He could feel worry in his friend's voice, and he was sorry for that, sorry for…he didn't even know. So he swallowed dry and forced his tongue to move, to form some words at least.

"I…I don't know."

Will knotted his eyebrows and Merlin fidgeted uncomfortably under his gaze, he summoned up all the strength he could find and stood up, Will's hand sliding away from his shoulder.

"I…I've got to go."

And Merlin just ran, his eyes almost squeezed shut against the snow and the tears, his lungs burning because of the cold air descending into them. Once he was at home, the door closed behind his back, he slid against it until he was sitting on the floor, knees up to his chest. He tried to control the sobs, so his mother wouldn't hear him, because even though part of him wanted to ask her, wanted to know, another part was scared. Scared that his mum would tell him to go away, that she didn't want a child like that. Merlin pressed his face against his knees until it hurt, trying to push away the question which was burning inside his mind, "what am I?"

Then Hunith's gentle arms were around him, her fingers under his chin tilting it up and Merlin hid his face against her chest, sinking in the reassuring smell of lavender and soap. She whispered soft words into his ear, telling him that there was nothing wrong with him being as he was, that it was a gift. Merlin truly wanted to believe her, but since until then he had grown up surrounded by people blaming all the bad and sad things on witches and wizards, it was hard. Hard to accept even with his mum's hands caressing his hair and brushing away the tears.

Will came and knocked on their house door that night, but Merlin just hid a little bit more under the blanket and asked Hunith to tell him to go away. When Merlin woke up the morning after he didn't feel like crying anymore, but he could feel a knot tight inside his chest at the thought that he would have to face Will sooner or later. He got dressed and went out, the cold wind smacked his face and Merlin wondered if it could be a sign, but he just held his coat tighter around his body and walked in the direction of Will's house. He didn't know if it was just his imagination but it seemed to him that the other kids and some adults were looking at him with different eyes and his blood rushed more forcefully into his ears, a low rumble above the whistling of the wind.

He stopped in front of the door and raised his fist to knock. He left it midair for a while as he chewed at his lower lip, something new and yet familiar twirling inside of him; that soft pulsing he had felt the day before. He squeezed his eyes shut and knocked. The door opened and Will's azure eyes appeared in front of him. Merlin looked at his own feet before feeling Will's hand on his bony shoulder.

"Wanna come in? Freezing cold out here."

Merlin shook his head, he didn't want anyone else to hear what he had to say. Will tilted his head to the side, eyebrows furrowed as always when he was thinking hard.

"S'alright. Wait"

He disappeared inside the house before reappearing wearing an old cloak and a scarf. Together they walked to the edge of the village, just where the last houses were and the forest began. Merlin pushed his hands deep in his pockets and when he spoke, his voice was so low that Will had to inch closer to hear until their arms were brushing.

"I…I'm sorry for yesterday."

Will shuffled his feet over the snow, leaving dark traces on the white surface.

"Merlin…you…"

Merlin turned to face Will, his breath catching in his lungs now and then, his throat tight.

"Yeah…I…I'm magic…it seems."

Will stared at him, eyes wide and more azure than ever.

"But…how…"

Merlin cut him off.

"I don't know. I…it's just like this."

He lowered his eyes again. Will was his closest friend and probably he would be the only one after the discovery of his magic. He didn't want him to run away just because he was…different.

His heart skipped a beat as Will's fingers tangled into his hair, he turned and faced Will's smile.

"It's alright. I don't know much about magic but, well, you're the same as always, aren't ya?"

He grinned, his too big front teeth made Merlin chuckle.

Merlin didn't know how things were going to be, but in that moment he just hugged Will tight and knew that he could face that magic he had inside of him. He was seven years old back then, when he first became aware of the fact that he was no longer going to be like all the others.


	2. 2

Merlin gets up from under the tree, inhaling the early summer air. He knows he should be working in the vegetable plot, but he just doesn't feel like it. Probably Will is going to hold it against him, but Merlin knows it will be just a joke, as everything between them is. He stretches lazily before starting to walk towards the centre of the forest. Upon discovering his gift, as his mother calls it, he also discovered a strange and strong connection with nature. The green of the grass, of the leaves; the buzzing of the insects, all of it can give him peace as no human being can do; not even Will or his mum.

When his magic was revealed it became clear that he could not go to Camelot, as he used to dream when he was smaller, it would have been too dangerous considering what King Uther thought about magic. Hunith asked an old friend of hers who worked as the court physician in Camelot to let her have some old books that he had kept hidden. They were spell books, and Hunith had given them to Merlin when he turned twelve years old. Merlin had read them, studying them on his own, under his blankets at night or out in the forest, far enough from the village. He slowly had managed to control his magic; he stopped feeling uncomfortable with it. He had planned to keep it secret from Will, but over the years their relationship had developed in new ways and when they were sixteen years old it had taken a twist which neither of them had expected.

Merlin couldn't say he was in love, he actually had never understand what love could be and he still can't, as he still has difficulties attempting to grasp all the subtle aspects of magic. But nonetheless, he cares about Will; enjoys playing around with him, enjoys the feeling of Will's callous hands on him. It was because of that twist in their relationship a year ago that Merlin wasn't able to hide from Will the books and what he did on early Sunday mornings in the woods; his eyes glinting gold and leaves and branches moving around in the air. At first Will had scolded him, told him that he was supposed to try to be normal like all the others and not to cultivate that dark gift that nature had given him. It had hurt to hear Will telling him that; the same Will that when they had been kids had told him that "being magic sounded kinda nice", the same Will who held him tight, touching him in places that no one knew. They hadn't talked to each other for days after that, then Will had come to him and had apologized.

But still, since then something has shifted, and Will is not so good at hiding that glinting in his eyes every time that he sees Merlin doing one of his "magic tricks", as he calls them. And Merlin has noticed. He bites his lower lip as he walks under the roof of leaves, he whispers a couple of words under his breath and small, coloured butterflies sprout out from the tips of his fingers and start to fly in front of him.

Almost without noticing, he reaches the southern part of the wood. The air all around has grown hotter and he imagines that it's already noon. The trees on this side of the wood open out to the road which runs from Ealdor to Camelot. When they were smaller, he and Will used to come here often during their games of knights and princes, holding wooden sticks as if they were swords. Once Merlin had actually transformed a twig into a wooden sword and the look on Will's face had been priceless.

He emerges from the shadows of the trees and stands at the side of the road, screening his eyes with a hand to have a better look down the street. A small figure is approaching and Merlin wonders who would come to Ealdor at such a hot hour. Visitors and messengers are a rare sight, and that's also why news from Camelot arrives quite late, when things are already finished off. Merlin licks his lower lip, the sun hitting the back of his head, making him feel weak. He is about to turn away in order to reach the village before the stranger and alert the other villagers when the stranger's voice resounds clear, cutting through the sleepy heat.

"Oi!"

Merlin turns, his head tilted to the side, and waits for the stranger to come closer. He is a young man, from his looks he doesn't look particularly wealthy; wearing an old ruined hat which casts a shadow over his eyes. He stops right in front of Merlin, breathing heavily.

"Thank you for waiting."

Merlin doesn't like many strangers, but something about this boy makes his magic bump against the walls of his stomach.

"No problem."

The young man takes off his hat and passes an arm across his forehead, blond hair shining under the sun and Merlin feels stupid because he can't help but think that the strands seems made out of gold and his hand twitches with the desire to touch it. Then the stranger brings his arm away from his forehead and looks at Merlin. The young warlock feels the air getting stuck inside his lungs, lost somewhere, as he looks at the other's eyes. They are Blue, blue as not even the sky could be. Merlin opens his mouth and then closes it. The blond man blinks worriedly.

"You alright?"

Merlin swallows.

"Uh…yeah, the heat."

The blond hands him a flask.

"It's water, have a sip, I've arrived anyway."

Merlin takes the flask.

"You are headed to Ealdor?"

Somehow it's hard to keep his eyes locked with the other man's, they are too clear, and Merlin feels as if the stranger could read him, bypass the blue disks of his irises and descend deep within him. He unconsciously shivers even under the hot sun.

"Yeah, you live there?"

Merlin nods, handing the flask back to the young man.

"Then…you can accompany me right?"

"Yes, of course."

They walk side by side along the path which heads towards the village. The stranger's voice is calm and pleasant to Merlin's ears as he says that he came to Ealdor looking for work in the fields when the time for the harvest of the wheat comes. More than once Merlin is about to ask him what his name is, but it's as if there's something which holds him back, as if knowing the other's name would be too much.

They can see the first houses of the village when the stranger stops and Merlin turns, a questioning look on his face.

"I'm Art..Alistair, by the way."

Merlin smiles, one of those smiles of his which Will always defines as cheeky, and he wonders if it's just wishful thinking or if Alistair has actually blushed.

"I'm Merlin. Nice to meet you."

As they enter the village, many turn to look at the new arrival, Merlin says hello to anyone willing to meet his gaze, but he knows that in the end, he is not more wanted than Alistair. He has always been like a stranger to them since that winter day ten years ago. Before he managed to keep his magic under control, many of the villagers had been able to glimpse flying objects or sudden explosions. Those who hadn't, well they had heard the others talk about it.

Sometimes Merlin wishes he could get away from such a small, closed place as Ealdor and start over; to live in a larger place, where people wouldn't know him, wouldn't judge him every time they saw him.


	3. 3

Hunith asks Alistair to remain with them for lunch before he goes to look for a place to stay in one of the houses which the day labourers use when the harvest season comes. He accepts and thanks her gently. Merlin thinks that it's the first time that he has met someone so well educated and he wonders how a peasant can possibly have such good manners, but he pushes the thought aside as he eats and listens to his mother and Alistair. Hunith asks him questions about his house and family, she asks him if she has a girlfriend and Merlin is taken aback by how interested he himself is about this topic. Alistair looks up from his plate and looks at Hunith before glancing quickly at Merlin, a glint in his eyes which Merlin can't actually name.

"No girlfriend for me, Madame."

Hunith laughs and tells him to drop the "Madame" and that he should not worry because as gorgeous as he is he will definitely find a beautiful girl soon. Merlin stirs the soup in his bowl with his spoon more forcefully than before, and he really doesn't understand why. He is helping his mum with the dishes when someone knocks on the door. Alistair tells him not to worry and that he can open the door for them. Merlin is drying the plates when Will's voice carries through the air to his ears. He puts down the plate and rushes into the other room. Will is staring at Alistair, a hard look in his eyes when he sees Merlin he walks up to him.

"Hey, who's that?"

Merlin throws an apologetic smile in Alistair's direction, the blond nods, and for an instant magic twirls again in the pit of Merlin's stomach at the sight of those blue eyes.

"Uh…he is going to work here for the harvest."

Merlin doesn't know why but he feels ashamed to stand in front of Will while he has been feeling weird over Alistair since meeting him. Will is leaning closer now, his lips almost brushing against Merlin's.

"Do you want to spend some time together tonight?"

Merlin takes a look in Alistair's direction, the blond is looking at them, but he quickly averts his gaze, his cheeks slightly pink. Merlin bites his lower lip.

"Yes, yes, now go."

He tries not to think too much about the disappointment that he can read on Will's face as he closes the door. Alistair clears his throat and Merlin turns to face him. Alistair is grinning, a cheeky grin which sends thrills along Merlin's spine. He hasn't thought that a boy as kind and apparently calm as Alistair could make such an expression.

"What?"

Merlin tries not to seem too affected by the other's smirk and by that mischievous glint in his blue eyes. Alistair stands up from where he was sitting.

"Can you show me around a bit, Merlin?"

And there's such a mocking tone in the way he pronounces Merlin's name, forcing his voice on the e, that Merlin stands there, mouth open, wondering who the hell this Alistair really is. But then the other boy is standing right in front of him, a blond eyebrow quirked up, hands on his hips. His voice is almost a whisper close to Merlin's cheek.

"C'mon, don't be rude, Merlin."

"Wha…"

Before he can say anything Hunith walks up to them saying that it's a wonderful idea and hands him a flask of water, suggesting that he should also show Alistair the way to reach the fields cutting through the woods. Merlin mumbles something under his breath but takes the flask anyway and opens the door. He doesn't check if Alistair is behind him since the bumping of the magic inside of him makes it unnecessary.


	4. 4

Merlin feels the weight of Alistair's eyes on the back of his head and he curses himself for having accepted to show him around for real. Besides what was there to show in Ealdor anyway? They zigzagged around the houses, now and then Merlin telling Alistair the name of someone they meet along the road or just talking about the festivals they held in summer or about the places where he used to play when he was smaller. Alistair follows him in silence until they reach the outskirts of the village and are about to take the path which cuts through the woods in the direction of the fields. It's just there that Alistair speaks up.

"So you've spent all your life here, Merlin?"

The teasing tone is back and Merlin doesn't know if he feels thrilled or irritated by it.

"Yeah, but why do you care?"

He has stopped and is standing right in front of Alistair, who just shrugs and takes a step towards him; their toes are brushing and Merlin can see the creases at the corner of Alistair's eyes, one by one.

"Well I think it's a shame…"

He smirks as he traces the line of Merlin's jaw with his index finger.

"I'm guessing that guy, Will, is the one who gets to play around with you, right?"

Merlin feels his cheeks grow hotter and he smacks Alistair's hand away.

"Stop messing around, you prat!"

He storms off down the path, not caring if Alistair is following him or not. And he doesn't notice the pained expression on the blond's face, nor the way his hand twitches with the desire to reach out and grab his wrist.

Merlin stops only when they exit the forest and the crops stretch out in front of them. It's not time for the harvest yet, so they are deserted. He can feel Alistair's heavy breath behind him but he doesn't feel like turning. He has never been so angry or irritated with anyone else.

"Hey."

Alistair's voice is soft, it making Merlin think of the soothing voice with adults use with stubborn kids.

"Look…I'm sorry. I can be a bit of a…"

"Prat."

Merlin retorts without turning, a slight smirk already stretching his lips.

"Yeah, that's the word I was looking for."

Alistair's laugh resounds clear in Merlin's ears and the young warlock can't help to join in, feeling bubbles of something growing and exploding inside his chest. Somehow he can understand Alistair, his need to build a shield around him for Alistair it's that cocky attitude, for himself it's the silence and the hiding from the looks of others. As they walk aimlessly along the fields he wonders if it could be destiny that has made him meet a complete stranger who feels so familiar. But Merlin has never believed in destiny, or in a justice existing under the surface of the world. If such justice existed his father would still be with him and he wouldn't have to carry the burden of his magic alone. He bites his lower lip, Alistair must have noticed his sudden sadness because he comes closer and encircles Merlin's shoulders with his arm. Merlin feels his heart hitting his ribcage louder, hard enough to hurt while heat begins to pool in places where it shouldn't.

"Are you alright?"

The concern in Alistair's voice is almost palpable. Merlin swallows and nods, he doesn't trust his voice not to shake because of the sudden proximity. Alistair's scent fills up his nostrils and it's a mix of sun and sweat and something which Merlin cannot grasp, but which makes his fingertips tingle.

"Y-yeah."

He knows that he should pull away but he abandons himself in the other boy's touch just a little bit longer. He hears Alistair taking in breath and just then he realizes that it's really better to pull away. He clears his throat.  
"Uh…I think we should go back right?"

"Oh…yeah of course."

Along the way back to Ealdor they don't ask questions about each other's past, they just talk about this and that; about their likes and dislikes, about funny adventures, like the time when Alistair fell from a horse or that one when Merlin made the smith angry and had to run away with the man throwing horse shoes at him. Merlin discovers that Alistair's laugh is really transparent, it's a sound similar to that of leaves moving in the wind, it makes Merlin smile. And it's the first time that something like this has happened to him. It has never happened with Will, even though he has known him for almost all his life, even though it's Will who moans in his ears and touches him. Merlin wonders how Alistair's moans would be like, and how his touches would feel, but then he shakes his head, trying to push away the thought.


	5. 5

That night, after dinner, Alistair moves to the house prepared for the seasonal workers. Before leaving Merlin's house, he turns at the doorway, his eyes seeming to twinkle in the half-light, and Merlin shivers, not wanting to understand what the other boy's look is asking. Not knowing if it's actually there in Alistair's eyes or if he is just trying to see things where they are not. He wishes Alistair a good night and the blond boy smiles a weak smile before closing the door behind him. The young warlock waits until Hunith falls asleep before silently getting up and going out. The night air is cool against his skin as he walks through the village; it's late and there are no lights on anymore. He reaches the spot where he and Will usually meet, the vegetable plot behind Will's house.

The other boy isn't there yet, so Merlin leans against the ruined fence and looks up at the starry sky. He stares at the little shining lights until his eyes are watery, it's something which he used to do when he was little. He wonders what Alistair is doing, if he is sleeping or if he is still awake, looking at the sky and thinking about his house or his family maybe. The sound of Will's steps bring him back to earth and he involuntarily twitches at the sight of the other boy and he feels guilty for that. He has always liked Will and he has always been his best friend, his rock and support, even though Merlin couldn't say that Will was able to understand him.

Will reaches for him and brushes his lips over Merlin's. The young warlock feels like he is choking Where there used to be warmth and happiness there is now nothing, just the mere physical sensation of dry lips against his own. He gasps and steps back, he can feel the weight of Will's pained gaze.

"Merlin

"I…"

"Is everything alright?"

Will's hands are gripping Merlin's arms tightly and Merlin can feel his magic boiling somewhere inside of him, almost growling lowly.

"L-Let me go…"

"This is because of that…that blond stranger, isn't it?"

Merlin has never seen Will so angry or so hurt and it makes him feel bad and sick, but Will's fingers are squeezing his arms.

"I said let go, dammit!"

"You won't use it on me, right?"

Merlin can see the shadow of worry in Will's eyes, and he can't help but ask himself whether he would use his magic or not.

"So answer me, Merlin!"

Merlin opens his mouth and closes it again.

"I think you should stop, friend."

Merlin turns, his heart in his throat, widening his eyes to see through the darkness, not that it's needed since he already recognised Alistair's voice. The blond boy is walking towards them, his gaze fixed on Will, who lets go of Merlin and stands in front of Alistair.

"What the hell do you want?"

Alistair glances at Merlin, and the young warlock can feel his magic twirl again as if answering to something hidden in the blond boy, as if it wants Alistair to take Merlin away.

"I want you to leave Merlin alone."

Alistair's voice is strong and firm, for an instant Merlin can't help to think about the knights and the princes in the storytellers' tales, he thinks they should look like Alistair now.

"What?"

Will has never been the violent type, Merlin knows it, but he also knows that he does stupid things when he is hurt. He watches carefully as Will moves towards Alistair, fists already balled at his sides, and he is about to reach out, but Will moves faster and all that Merlin is able to do is to shout to Alistair not to harm him. The blond boy looks at him for a second, eyes glinting and then he nods quickly, before blocking Will's clumsy punch and swiftly immobilising Will's arm behind his back. Merlin can feel that his mouth is slightly open and he forces himself to close it, Alistair has moved with such strength and yet elegance, it was as if he was dancing, as if he truly was one of those knights in shining armour.

Merlin takes a step towards the two of them.

"Please, Will…Calm down."

He tries to be kind and soothing, but Will just tries to get free from Alistair's grip, the blond looks at Merlin as if he is asking him what he should do.

"Let him go."

Alistair does as he is told, but Merlin can see that he is still stiffened, ready if Will tries to do something, but all that Will does is look straight at Merlin, who can feel that stare almost burning his skin.

"I…I'm done…with you, Merlin!"

Merlin takes a step towards him.

"Don't…come closer. Now you go and live your life alone, 'cause no one else is going to want you!"

Merlin has never heard Will saying cruel things to him, not even once; indeed he has always been the one to back him up against the other villagers, since back when they were just two brats. But Merlin knows that he can't do anything, not this time, not when it has been his magic and that tingling he feels deep inside him, even now, when Alistair is present to cause this. He looks at Will's back as the other boy storms across the vegetable plot and then disappears inside his house.

It's as if all the weight of the starry sky has dropped on Merlin's shoulders and he feels his knees shaking a bit, his head spinning, fear twirling inside of him, gnawing at his stomach. He is sure he will hit the ground and he closes his eyes shut, but the impact doesn't arrive. Instead he feels a strong arm behind his back, holding him up, he can feel Alistair's breath loud in the silence. He slowly opens his eyes and looks at the other boy. Alistair's face is filled with worry but he doesn't say anything, he just takes a better hold of Merlin and starts to move. Merlin remains silent as well and follows Alistair out of the vegetable plot.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

Merlin thinks that he doesn't feel like being at home, alone with too many thoughts, so he shakes his head. Alistair sighs.

"Talkative, aren't you?"

Merlin chuckles, it's weak but it's something and he is surprised that Alistair has been able to draw such a reaction from him. They retrace the path that Merlin had shown him that morning; somewhere along the path Alistair's arm slides away from Merlin's waist and he feels stupid realizing how much he misses the solid warmth of it. As they walk in silence their hands brush now and then, dangling between them; each brush causing a jolt of excitement to run through Merlin's body.. Neither of them tries to put more distance between their brushing hands.

When they arrive at a small opening between the trees the blond boy stops and sits on a root, gesturing for Merlin to do the same, and he obeys, Merlin quietly obeys, submissive for one of the rare moments in his life..

Alistair takes a stick and starts to play around with it, Merlin leans back against the trunk.

"So…are you alright?"

Merlin sighs.

"Yeah…"

And he winces because of how weak his voice sounds to his own ears. Alistair throws the stick away and turns towards him, once again those eyes seem to read through Merlin and the young warlock shifts uncomfortably.

"Look, how could I be alright?"

He can feel the tears at the back of his eyes now, as the weight of what Will has said sinks in again.

"I…he's right…you don't even know how much he's right…"

Merlin wishes he could be alone, to let the tears run and the magic twirl as much as it desires, but the warm weight of Alistair's hand on his knee keeps him there.

"He can't be right, Merlin."

The warlock bites his lower lip.

 

"You don't even know me!"  
He is shouting, he knows that he shouldn't shout at Alistair when he has helped him and he is trying to cheer him up, but all he can feel in that stupid muscle which is heart is, is pain and fear and…

Before he realizes what is happening Alistair's scent is all around him and Alistair's lips are over his own, gently moving. The starry sky falls over him once again, as the contours of the trunk, of the trees, of everything seem to dissolve in the sensation of Alistair's tongue running along his lower lip. Merlin can't help but gasp and he grabs the front of Alistair's shirt, pulling him closer as Alistair slips his tongue into his mouth.

This kiss is so different from the one he has shared with Will before, actually from all the ones that he has ever shared with Will, it's brighter and warmer and his magic seems to ignite because of it. Without realizing it Merlin moans in the back of his throat as Alistair's tongue dances around in his mouth. But as the sound of his own moan reaches his ears Merlin's eyes shoot open and he pulls away. Alistair stares at him, his lips parted, panting because of the kiss, and Merlin truly thinks that he is the most gorgeous creature that he has ever seen, but…

"I…"

"Look, Merlin, I'm…"

Merlin stands up as fast as he can.

"I've got to go now."

He turns and runs away, the trees slide at his sides as he runs along the path, the sensation of Alistair's lips still on his lips, and the magic within himself thumping like a crazy drum.


	6. 6

When Merlin wakes up he doesn't even remember having fallen asleep. He presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, memories of what happened the night before emerging from the fog of his sleep. He can feel his body growing hotter at the thought of Alistair's lips against his own, but at the same time he is terrified, because he has never done something so impulsive before, and he can't understand why he had done that.

He dresses himself quickly and goes out in the morning air. He moves fast across the village, hoping not to meet Will, even though he knows that with Ealdor being so small, it's as useful as hoping not to find a tree in a forest. He reaches the woods and walks down the path which leads to the fields, the harvest has started today. He stops when he reaches the last line of trees and from there he observes the men working in the field, hunched over, their backs exposed to the sun.

Merlin screens his eyes, beginning to think that Alistair isn't there before he spots him, golden hair shining slightly, his brows furrowed from the effort. Merlin follows his movements, they seem so smooth, and he remembers Alistair's hand on his knee, the weight of it, the warmth of it. Something hot pools in his groin, then Alistair lifts his head, brushing an arm against his forehead and looks in Merlin's direction. The young warlock gasps and hides behind the trunk of the nearby tree. His heart is beating hard against his ribcage, echoing into his ears. He bites at his lower lip, wondering if Alistair has actually spotted him. His palms are sweaty as he tries to regain control over himself, when his heart has calmed down and he is sure that Alistair has not see him, he heads back to the village.

It's night, Merlin is sitting at the table reading an old anatomy book which Gaius, his mother's friend, has sent from Camelot. The light of the candle flickers around when someone knocks at the door. Chills run down Merlin's spine at the thought that it could be Will, he has been lucky enough not to run into him during the day. It's not as if he can carry on hiding, it's just not possible, living in a village this small where everyone knows you. He swallows and gets up, careful not to make too much noise while his mother is sleeping.

He opens the door, just a crack, and looks outside. Alistair is standing there, the light from the full moon is splashing over him, a smile on his lips and that mischievous and teasing light in his eyes. Merlin doesn't know what's worse, Will or Alistair. It's not as if he wants to face Alistair either. But then his magic tugs at something within him and he finds himself opening the door a bit more.

"Hey."

Alistair's voice is soft and somehow hesitant.

"Hey."

Merlin has to lower his gaze, his heart beating more than it ought to.

"Wanna come for a walk?"

Merlin shuffles his feet against the floor.

"Uh…I…yeah of course."

He turns and walks up to the table to blow out the candle, wondering what the hell has possessed him to make him say yes.

For a little they walk in silence, until they exit the ring of the sleeping houses.

"So…I saw you today, you know?"

Merlin stops in his tracks and looks at Alistair's face, made whiter by the moon light. For an instant the only thing that he can think is "Why me, why I was the one who had to meet someone like him…

He chews his lower lip before talking.

"So what?"

He really tries to sound unaffected, but he knows that he has failed when Alistair takes a step towards him and smiles. Merlin notices that he flexes his fingers but doesn't reach out as if he is respectfully waiting for Merlin's consent.  
Merlin can't help but smile, and he knows that it's a risk and that it doesn't make sense because they've known each other only for few days, but he is the one to reach out this time, entwining his fingers with Alistair's. He chuckles at the surprised expression on the other boy's face.

"Is that so bad that I was looking at you?"

Alistair squeezes his hand and leans forward until their lips are almost brushing as he speaks.

"Not at all, Merlin."

The young warlock smiles against Alistair's lips as the other boy disentangles their hands and encircles him with his arms.

This time the kiss is deeper and Merlin can clearly feel his magic moving, answering to it. He trails his fingers through Alistair's hair and he thinks that it's soft as he has imagined. Alistair moans softly and the sound rolls into Merlin's mouth, sliding over their dancing tongues.

They move in unison until their bodies are fully pressed together, Merlin gasps as their erections brush against each other.

Then something moves around them and they quickly break the kiss and observe the trees and bushes, still panting slightly because of the loss of air.

It's an instant…before there were only trees and bushes and then there's a wolf growling in front of them, its teeth shining in the moonlight. Alistair moves in front of Merlin to shield him and the black haired boy wants to scream at him to move aside, but the wolf is faster and launches itself at Alistair who growls in the back of his throat and tries to shield himself and Merlin with his arms.

There are a billion reasons for Merlin not to show his magic to the boy, who's basically a stranger, but they just fly away from his mind at the thought that Alistair could be harmed. He feels his magic run along his veins as he lifts his hand, he knows that his eyes will glow gold, he has watched himself reflected in the water many times after that time Will had sworn to him that his eyes glow gold every time that he used his magic.

The wolf cries out as it is sent flying in mid-air by the magic shield which Merlin has evocated. Merlin sees the muscles in Alistair's back tense before he spins around to face him, his pupils are wide, lost in the azure of his irises and his mouth is slightly open.

"Merlin…"

Merlin looks back at him without saying a word, frozen on the spot. He can feel his magic pulsing again, as if it too is anxious about what Alistair could say, afraid of hearing words of condemnation yet again.

"You…did that?"

Merlin nods, his hands ball into fists at his sides, he knows that he is shaking but he doesn't know how to stop. Alistair's hands are firm on his shoulders, Merlin feels as if the earth is trying to swallow him but he blinks and tries to calm down.

"Don't be afraid."

Alistair's tone is serious, but his hands are gentle as he guides Merlin until he is sitting down; Alistair kneels in front of him.

"I…I won't tell anyone."

Merlin feels a pang of pain, because these are not the words that he wanted to hear, what he wants is to be sure that Alistair will not despise him because he is not normal, because he has experienced what it feels like to be despised for who he is, and he knows that if Alistair is going to do the same it would be too much to bear. He tries to shrug off Alistair's hands but the other boy just grips him tighter before leaning in and kissing him again. The air gets lost in Merlin's lungs, and he surrenders to Alistair's soft lips. He doesn't even try to control the magic surging inside of him, and it spills outside, floating around them, millions of little floating lights around them, sinking in Alistair's golden hair. When they pull apart the blond boy smiles at him, his eyes shining with wonder at the sight of what Merlin's magic has created.

"It's…it's beautiful, Merlin."

It's the first time in his whole life that Merlin feels that he is completely accepted for who he is, that someone calls his powers something beautiful. He feels his ears and cheeks become hotter. He sighs contently when Alistair kisses him again, pushing him back slightly until his back hits the trunk of a tree. His uff gets lost into Alistair's mouth and his magic almost roars inside of him as the other boy slides a hand under his shirt, trailing slow circles over his stomach. Alistair backs off a bit, as if to check that he is doing the right thing and that Merlin is alright with his hand resting on his skin, warm and gentle. Merlin just nods before taking a grasp of the front of Alistair's shirt and pulling him close again.

Alistair guides him slowly, making him slide along the tree until he is sitting on the wet grass. The blond boy looks at him, Merlin can see the cerulean blue of his eyes, the little lights that his magic has produced still dancing around them.

"I…I've never…"

Merlin chuckles, the anxiety which he has been feeling dissipating and dissolving in the desire to reassure Alistair.

"You've never done it with a guy, huh?"

He smiles at the embarrassed expression on Alistair's face, then he reaches up, brushing his fingers against Alistair's cheek, enjoying the sensation of his smooth skin under his fingertips.

"I'll show you…"

Merlin shivers at the sight of the shadow of lust and desire that clouds Alistair's eyes, he feels his whole body responding to it, and it's as if the world around them, the trees, the moon, everything, just vanishes, as if it is not important at all.

He is the one to undress Alistair, slowly and kissing every inch of pale skin that he uncovers, it's as if he is taking a child by the hand, and he finds himself truly wanting to show Alistair what it's like, he really wants the blond boy to feel him.

Alistair moans as Merlin takes him in his hand, watching his hand move slowly around hardened skin, and he has the clear sensation that this is how things should be; his hands on Alistair and Alistair's mouth chanting his name in the shell of his ear. Merlin shivers under Alistair's gaze as the boy looks as he undresses himself, that gaze makes him feel self-conscious as he has never felt with Will, having been naked around him since when they were just kids playing in the stream down the hill. For a second he stands there, naked, in front of Alistair until the other boy reaches out and tentatively runs his finger over the prominent line of Merlin's hip bone. Merlin smiles at him and kneels down in front of him, gently pressing a hand against Alistair's chest and he pushes him down until the blond is lying on the grass looking up at him. He leans down and kisses those soft and slightly parted lips. He prepares himself for Alistair, and laughs lightly as the blond takes in breath when he slides a finger into himself. He has never done this for Will, but he doesn't want Alistair to be embarrassed, he just wants him to feel pleasure. He feels all his body trembling, the magic inside of him take fire as he slowly takes Alistair inside of him. He feels sparks of electricity running along his veins, he gasps as Alistair's hands are on his hipbones, gentle and warm, guiding him until their bodies find the perfect rhythm. And it's like swimming in fresh water, like looking up at the stars, like feeling the energy of the world. Merlin's magic envelops them both as they come, moaning each other's name.

They lay on the grass, side by side, Alistair has his eyes closed and Merlin looks at him, at the perfect line of his jaw, at the slightly damp hair on his forehead. He grins as he speaks, to hide the uncertainty about whether or not Alistair regrets what they've done.

"You're still not running away screaming…"

Alistair opens his eyes and looks at him, smiling.

"I never could, not after this!"

His eyes are slightly shining as he reaches out and brushes his open palm over Merlin's stomach.

"And…"

Merlin quirks an eyebrow.

"And this magic inside of you…it's the same which is inside of me."

Merlin opens his mouth and closes it again, realising Alistair is serious as he speaks again.

"I was…born because of magic."

Merlin cannot believe his own ears, he reaches down and squeezes Alistair's hand still on his stomach.

"What…how?"

Alistair shakes his head.

"I don't know…don't ask anymore questions…"

There's a pained undertone to his voice, and Merlin aches because of the desire to get to better know the only person who has ever made him feel so alive, but he also wants to see his happy smile.

He brings Alistair's hand to his mouth and kisses it gently, knuckle after knuckle.

"I won't."


	7. 7

It's easy, too easy, for them to get used to each other; for Alistair to learn how to make Merlin shiver under him, for Merlin to wake up in the morning with the desire to see the blond boy and to spend the most time possible with him

There's something reassuring about Alistair, about the imperfection of his crooked teeth, about the caring light which he has in his eyes when he looks at him, and Merlin feels safe and accepted.

At the beginning he was still worried for Will because he didn't want to hurt him, and Alistair had been understanding, allowing the restrictions to only see Merlin at night in the woods or at the stream down the hill. It was Merlin who decided that he didn't want to hide what they had any more. It was on a night at the end of June that Merlin held Alistair's hand in public for the first time. The villagers had organized a feast to celebrate the good season and the good harvests, the smell of food was filling the air and torches had been lit along the streets.

Merlin swallowed dryly a couple of times before tentatively reaching out for Alistair's hand. They had been together for almost a month but he still wasn't sure that the blond boy was ready for something like that. Their relationship was destined to be short since it started. Since the first time they met along the street it had been clear that Alistair would remain only till the end of the harvest. But Alistair entwined his fingers with Merlin's without saying a word, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Merlin fought the impulse to kiss him right there and instead focused on enjoying the sensation of Alistair's hand around his, soft and firm, his own anchor to the world. He lowered his gaze when it

met Will's and he felt Alistair squeezing his hand gently. When he realized that there weren't shouts nor hands gripping his arm he lifted his gaze again; watching Will walk away in silence. That night Merlin didn't feel the weight of the other villagers stares, he just enjoyed his time with Alistair. They drank, they ate, they looked up at the stars like two little kids. They made love like the lovers they had become.

As he lay on the ground, the air of the night cool on his skin, Alistair sleeping at his side, Merlin thought that indeed if there was something bigger than human beings and living creature in this world, that something had been kind to him, to give him the chance to meet Alistair, to touch him, and sink into him, even though their time was short. Merlin knew all too well that he couldn't follow Alistair, not with his magic inside of him, not back to Camelot where Alistair said he was from. That night he dreamt of a possible future for the two of them and he woke up with tears at the corners of his eyes, but there was the reassuring and soft weight of Alistair's hand over his hipbone.

It's the middle of July when it happens. The harvest is almost over and in the fields Alistair and the other seasonal workers have begun to put together hay bales. It's Will who sees them first as he is walking along the main street, oh his way back from Yalding; a cloud of dust rolling at the far twist of the road accompanied by hoofbeats. Merlin is working in the vegetable plot when Will enters the village followed by soldiers. The young warlock squeezes his eyes in the summer light and looks at the gold dragons on their tunics and shields; they come from Camelot. He clenches the hem of his shirt wondering why soldiers from Camelot would come to Ealdor, his heart gets stuck in his throat at the idea that the King might have sent them to arrest him. He tries not to panic and to keep the magic whining inside of him at bay. The one who seems to be the captain of the squad gets off his horse. He has curly brown hair, his voice is clear and strong as he speaks.

"I'm Sir Leon! We came here looking for someone!"

Merlin instinctively takes a step back, the soil seems to sink under his feet and he knows that even if he tries to escape there's no way he could make it. It takes him some time to realise that the soldier is still talking.

"We are looking for Prince Arthur of Camelot!"

Merlin takes a deep breath, relief washing over him like cold water, but he quickly focuses again on the words of the soldier. The villagers around him are all whispering between them, Merlin wonders why they would look for the crown Prince in Ealdor. He has heard many stories about Prince Arthur, about how brave and gorgeous he is, but he has always considered them as one of those silly stories about charming princes that mothers tell to their daughters when it's time to go to sleep. He looks at the other villagers, he spots his mother standing by the smith, she looks at him, a worried look in her eyes and he nods slightly, trying to reassure her. He wishes that Alistair could be here with him, he knows that the blond should be back from the fields in a little bit. Then a soldier walks up to sir Leon and whispers something in his ear, Merlin looks at sir Leon as he turns in the direction of the woods. He follows his gaze, over the heads and shoulders of the villagers, over the dry grass, until he spots some of the seasonal workers who are coming back to the village; Alistair is among them. Merlin feels his heart thump harder and warmth pool in his lower stomach as it does every time that he sees him.

"Prince?"

Merlin turns abruptly, focusing his attention back on sir Leon who's now staring at Alistair. The blond boy stops in his tracks, surprise and worry plastered on his face. Merlin's magic roars inside of him as if he is responding to the magic inside of Alistair's body, as if it is sensing that something is wrong.

"Sir Leon?"

Alistair's voice is shaky, Merlin watches as his lover walks towards the soldier and he wonders why there's no fear in his movements, why he holds his chin up and instead Leon seems to become smaller as he bows.

"Sire, we've finally found you! Your father has been searching for you for a month now."

For an instant Merlin thinks that he is no longer inside his body, he feels the air burning in his lungs and his knees shaking and he can't do anything more than stare at Alistair as his magic twirls over and over threatening to spill out.

"Please Prince Arthur, come back with us."

And that's it. The weight of betrayal crashes hard upon Merlin, squeezing the air out of his lungs. He looks at Alistair, no…Arthur, and he doesn't know who he is looking at any more. Arthur's cerulean gaze locks with his own and Merlin feels as exposed as the first time that they met. All he wants to do is to hit the blond in front of him, to scream, because he knows he has been a fool to fall for a stranger like that. Because he has exposed all of himself, even his hidden secrets, even his magic, while Alistair has been nothing more than a fake name. Arthur the word prince echoes over and over in Merlin's head- takes a step towards him, his arm outstretched.

"Merlin…"

His voice is barely a whisper over the voices of the villagers Merlin looks at Arthur's hand and something inside of him wants to reach out, to feel that that hand is real, that what they have shared was real, but he can't bring himself to do it. Instead he takes a step back and then another, his back hits the people who are standing behind him. He glances at Arthur, still standing there with his hand opened in front of him, then he finally turns and runs away. He doesn't care about the shouts of the villagers, the elbows which hit him, he just runs until his lungs are on fire and he has almost reached the top of the hill at the back of the village. He bends down, hands on his knees, and takes deep breaths, forcing the air into his lungs and finally letting the tears run down his cheeks. He knows that he shouldn't cry, that it makes him look like a stupid girl, but he also knows that he can't help it, he can't help but feel as if Arthur has just stabbed him. He sits on the ground, face hidden against his palms, and lets the sobs fill the calm summer air.

Some shouts reach his ears and he lifts his gaze, he can see the soldiers moving around at the entrance of the village; they are small like ants seen from where he is sitting but he still can recognize Arthur among them, and Sir Leon. He watches as Arthur climbs on a horse, the soldiers imitate him. He can hear Sir Leon shouting some orders and then they start to move. Soon all that Merlin can see is the dust that the horses have left behind and the villagers going back to their occupations. He knows that his mother will be worried about him, but he doesn't want to go back just now. He lies on his back and looks up to the clouds lazily drifting overhead. He remembers all the nights that he and Alistair have spent together; all the times that he has rested his head on Alistair's chest, listening to his heartbeat while watching the stars hanging in the sky above them. Except that Alistair was never there, it was Arthur all the time and it terrifies Merlin to think that he doesn't know who Arthur is, that he doesn't know who the person who has made love to him truly is. He hadn't wanted Arthur to touch him back at the village and yet something inside of him has hoped that Arthur would have followed him, stopped him. Merlin presses his hands against his eyelids.

When he goes back to the village the sun has already set and he keeps his gaze low so that he doesn't have to meet the questioning gazes of the villagers who probably didn't miss the meaning of Prince Arthur's outstretched hand. He is about to reach the safety of his house when a firm hand lands on his shoulder and he is abruptly turned to face Will. Merlin feels anger surge inside of him at the idea of Will throwing it all in his face. He balls his fists, ready to shout if it's needed but what comes next is just Will's arms encircling him. Merlin tries to pull back, it's awkward to feel Will so close when that place has been Alistair's-well Arthur's- for the past month. Then Will speaks and Merlin lets his arms fall at his sides.

"I…I won't say anything…I won't do anything…just remember that I'm here if you want."

Merlin doesn't even try to stop the tears as he grabs the back of Will's shirt and holds him, trying hard not to fall into the wound which Arthur has opened inside of him.


	8. 8

The summer rolls over Eadlor, the grass dries in the fields and soon the rain of September arrives. Merlin is sitting on the top of the hill again, the water soaking his clothes and dripping down his hair, blurring his vision. He has come here often in the last months, waiting for God knows what. When he is here he often lets his magic splash around, like a kid left free to play. He has slowly gotten better, gone back to work without feeling the urge to run away and hide somewhere.

But there's still something that tugs at his insides bringing him here, even under the rain, to look at the ribbon of the road, even now that autumn is sliding over Ealdor. He knows that he has not healed deep inside, he knows it because of the way his heart twitches and his breath itches every time that he sees someone walking or riding a horse along the road, because of how he feels like crying at night when he feels cold and his skin still bears the memory of Arthur's hands and lips. He wonders if it will ever go away or if the bitterness will remain.

When they call him he is fetching some water at the stream behind the woods, Will stops behind his back panting. Merlin tilts his head to the side, trying to balance himself while holding the heavy bucket. And there's a glint in Will's eyes, sharp and yet sad, Merlin can feel the earth opening under his feet, his magic pushing and pulling inside of him, leaving him with the sensation of being pressed down. He opens his mouth but no sound escapes. The sound of the water mixes up with the roaring of his blood in his ears. Will's lips are moving but he can't understand what the other boy is saying, he can feel his thoughts twirling and his magic moving inside of him like a hunted animal.

He swallows, fighting against the feeling of his whole body growing numb. Will comes closer and hesitantly brushes his hand along Merlin's arm. The young warlock moves away and looks straight at him.

"He is here, right?"

Will just nods and Merlin feels his magic tremble and curl, he knows that he can't run, not this time. In the end Arthur is a prince, he probably has brought soldiers with him. The thought of Arthur arresting and condemning him makes tears form at the corners of his eyes and Merlin knows that it's not because he is afraid to die, it is because it would break him completely if the same hands which have caressed him would be the ones to deliver him to King Uther.  
His feet are heavy as he follows Will until they reach the small opening in front of the village. Merlin shivers, at the memory that this is the place where he saw Arthur for the last time the place where destiny or whatever it is that rules this world showed him how stupid and naïve he had been, how his love for Alistair had been nothing more than a lie. Merlin balls his hands into fists, Will suddenly stops in front of him and he almost trips. Steadying himself he lifts his gaze.

His magic seems to be tying his insides into knots. Arthur is standing in front of him, he is no longer dressed as a peasant and Merlin lets his gaze slide over the red fabric of his jacket and over the small golden dragon which is embroidered over the heart.

He knows that he shouldn't, that it would just make it all more painful, but he can't help to lift his eyes until they meet Arthur's azure ones.

And everything is there, in those eyes. The pain of the distance, the affection, the memories of what they've shared. Merlin blinks, not even trying to hide to himself how fast his heart is beating or how much he just wants to reach out and feel Arthur's arms around him again.

Arthur takes a step towards him, a hesitant smile on his lips and Merlin feels warmth pooling in his stomach and running along his veins as for the first time he understands how Alistair was true, he was true because Arthur is true.

"Merlin…"

He thinks that even his own name seems to be made exactly for Arthur to whisper it like that. He knows that the other villagers are all around looking at them, but he takes a step towards Arthur too.

"A..Arthur…"

Before he can even blink he feels Arthur's arms all around him and feels Arthur's heartbeat echoing in his ears as he hides his face against the Prince's chest. Arthur's fingers are running through his hair and Merlin leans into the touch. Then Arthur's hands are on his shoulders, gently pushing him back until they're looking at each other.

"Hey…"

Merlin swallows and he knows that his voice is shaking as he answers with a whispered "Hey".

Arthur reaches up and brushes his thumb against Merlin's cheek and over his cheekbone.

"God…you're even more beautiful that I remembered."

Merlin feels his ears grow hotter, his magic vaporizing into his stomach. His heart beats more forcefully at the idea that the boy who's caressing him now is exactly the same one who made love to him months ago. A different name doesn't change things, it doesn't change how Merlin feels towards Arthur, it doesn't change the way his magic responds to him. he smiles and knows that it is the first time that he has really wanted to smile since the day Arthur left. He lowers his gaze.

"I missed you…I never hoped that…"

"That I would come back for you?"

Arthur tilts his chin up and Merlin finds himself looking in the calm waters of Arthur's eyes again.

"I didn't want to leave in the first place…it has been hard to be there, inside Camelot, without any chance of seeing you…of asking you to forgive me…"

Merlin thinks about all the time that he has spent alone on the hill, just staring and waiting or practicing his magic.

In the end he has grown better at controlling it, as if it had understood that he was too fragile and upset not to support him.

As he shyly brings his hands around Arthur's waist, he looks at him and knows that words cannot explain what he has felt nor what he is feeling now.

Arthur slides his hand into Merlin's and gently tugs him, gesturing to the guards to remain there. Merlin follows Arthur obediently, his gaze fixed on their entwined hands. He thinks that they seem two halves of a whole.

Arthur stops only when they've reached the outer limit of the wood and they're standing in front of the expanse of fields. Merlin looks at Arthur waiting and squeezing his hand lightly. Air gets stuck in his lungs as the Prince suddenly grabs him and pushes him against a tree. Arthur's mouth is just as he remembered, soft and yet firm, adapting perfectly against his own. Merlin lifts his hands and runs them along Arthur's spine, through his hair. When Arthur licks playfully at his lower lip Merlin makes a little pleased sound before parting his mouth. The magic roars along his veins and spills all around them and he feels Arthur smiling into the kiss as their tongues seem to dance inside their mouths.

Merlin can feel the life pulsing in the grass underneath him; he can feel the life pulsing inside of himself as he looks up at Arthur. The Prince has sent the guards back to Camelot, telling them that he would be fine and that he would be back the following day.

Merlin tries to keep his eyes open in the half light of the twilight to drink in all of Arthur's beauty, but he has to shut them as Arthur pushes inside of him. He feels everything inside of him ringing and boiling and he pushes his hips up against Arthur's, to feel him more, to definitely erase the border between them. He cries out as Arthur starts to move, his heart summersaults as he hears Arthur moaning his name. He has missed the blond's moans, he has missed the feeling of completeness that having Arthur inside of him gives him. He has missed the way Arthur moves inside of him, as if he is the most beautiful thing on earth and he shivers as he feels his whole body stretching to adjust to Arthur's presence. As the blond starts to move faster, hitting that precious spot inside his body, Merlin feels heat pooling in his lower stomach and his magic flapping its wings inside his chest like a bird that wants to be freed. Just another thrust and Merlin tumbles of the edge, his magic soaring free again as he moans Arthur's name. He throws his arms around Arthur's neck as he feels him coming deep inside of him.

Arthur pulls him closer until Merlin can hide his face in golden hair, he smiles at the sensation of warmth spreading all over his body. He distractedly draws soothing circles over Arthur's chest. The Prince hums at the sensation before taking Merlin's hand into his. Merlin lifts his gaze.

"I've thought a lot these months, Merlin…"

The young warlock wants to say that he too has thought a lot, but he remains silent; the seriousness in Arthur's voice conveying that he wants to say something important and that saying it must be difficult for him. He just squeezes Arthur's hand a bit more.

"It…it wasn't the same without you…I…"

Merlin traces the line of Arthur's jaw with his index finger.

"Hey, you can talk to me, Arthur."

Arthur nods, licks his lower lip and pulls himself up a bit to better see Merlin.

"Would you like…to come home with me?"

Merlin feels his eyes growing bigger, flashes of him and Arthur, of a future for the two of them, flashes of Camelot cross his mind.

"Y-You mean to Camelot?"

Arthur nods and for a moment Merlin feels like the little child he once was, the child who used to run around with Will, pretending to be a knight of Camelot. Since he discovered his magic he has never imagined a future for him there, it has become just an impossible dream. But now Arthur is looking at him with hope shining in his eyes and asking him to go there.

"But, I…I can't…"

Arthur cups his face; Merlin closes his eyes for a second at the sensation of Arthur's soft skin against his.

"Merlin I want you with me, more than anything else, and I promise I will protect you."

Merlin bites his lower lips.

"No one will know about your magic, it will be our secret till the right time comes."

Merlin takes in breath, fighting against the desire to say "yes" straight away. He knows that he should be careful, he trusts Arthur but it's his life that's going to be on the line. He looks straight at Arthur and is suddenly taken aback by how familiar his face has become; the little creases at the corner of his eyes, the way the corners of his mouth quirk up when he smiles, the odd perfection of his crooked teeth. And he knows that he can't remain in Ealdor anymore, knowing that Arthur is offering him a place by his side.

"So…will you come with me?"

Merlin just nods, and smiles as Arthur hugs him, his smiles getting lost against Arthur's warm skin.

It's early morning when Merlin goes back home, a couple of red leaves still entangled in his hair. Hunith hugs him as soon as he closes the door behind his back. He breathes in his mother's scent, knowing already that he is going to miss it, that he is going to miss Ealdor, but also that he is going to be where he should; where destiny has wanted him to be since the start.

He makes his mother sit down and slowly tells her what Arthur has asked and what his decision is. He can read the emotions running on his mother's face, the happiness for him, but also the worry and the fear. He takes her hands and squeezes them gently, he lets his magic warm them up, and smiles at the amazement on Hunith's face.

"He said he'll protect me, mum. I have to trust him."

Hunith squeezes her son's hands back, smiling gently.

"He will protect you, Merlin. I'm certain of that."

His mum helps him to prepare his belongings. She hands him his magic books, a questioning look in her eyes. Merlin just takes them and wraps them in an old shirt. He knows that he will have to be careful, but he also knows that he can't keep his magic asleep.

When he is about to leave there is only Hunith and Will standing in front of the village to wish him goodbye. Merlin drinks in the sight of the village, of the woods. He has never left this place before and he feels his skin tingle at the idea. It's as if he is both pulled and pushed away by the place where he has grown up The place where has discovered love and yet the place where he has been considered the different one; the place where he has cried waiting for Arthur to come back.

His mother's body is thin between his arms and he prays that she will be alright on her own. Will's body instead is firm against his own and Merlin remembers the old times and all the things that they have shared. He whispers a "sorry" in Will's ear. The other boy shrugs and wishes him good luck before talking a step back. Merlin looks at the two of them one last time before turning and heading down the path towards the main road where Arthur and his soldiers are waiting. He doesn't turn back but he knows that his mother and Will are looking at him. He doesn't even try to fight the tears that are threatening to roll down his cheeks.

Arthur gently brushes his thumb against Merlin's cheeks, drying away the tears.

"Are you sure about this, Merlin?"

The young warlock smiles at the sight of the hope which is still shining in Arthur's eyes.

"Of course."

He leans forward, not caring about the soldiers standing there, and presses his lips against Arthur's.


	9. 9. Epilogue

Merlin looks at himself in the mirror and tilts his head to the side, wondering if the tunic that he is wearing is alright for a court sorcerer. He runs his hands over the blue fabric, smiling at the thought that Arthur has had it made specifically for him.

He remembers the day when he arrived in Camelot; how he couldn't believe his own eyes at the sight of the castle.

Everything was so perfect, just as he had imagined it when he was a child. Arthur had presented him as his manservant and the King had said nothing. They spent a whole year pretending to be Prince and servant even though they slept together and tried to find any moment to hide behind a column or in a deserted passage to kiss.

Merlin continued to practice his magic with the help of the court physician, his mother's old friend. He felt it grow stronger and melt with his own body and spirit until he and his magic completely became a whole.

Months passed and he got to discover more and more things about Arthur. He learned how he stood up to his father and how much he loved his people, how gentle and how stubborn he could be, how young he looked as he slept.

When Uther died and Arthur became King, Merlin was by his side to give him the support that he needed, holding him at night when he had nightmares and tears streamed down his cheeks. One dawn while they were still in Arthur's bed, Arthur had cupped his face and looked him straight in the eyes.

. Merlin quirked an eyebrow, not knowing what to expect. Arthur caressed his cheek and Merlin let his fingers trace the line of Arthur's neck as he kept looking at him.

"Would you like to become court sorcerer?"

Merlin was confused for an instant. He had never thought about revealing his magic to other people before, he had never thought that a world where he could be free to be who he was in front of everyone could exist, but there was Arthur offering him freedom and love and magic all at the same time.

He hugged Arthur bringing their bodies flush together, leaving a string of kisses along the line of Arthur's jaw.  
"I'll be glad to be by your side. Always."

Merlin smiles as he sees Arthur reflected in the mirror behind him. Even though years have passed he still looks as the boy who arrived in Ealdor on that summer day, the same light in his eyes and the same grin on his lips.

"You look awesome in this!"

Merlin chuckles as Arthur hugs him and leans back against his chest.

"If you say so, sire…"

Arthur leaves a kiss at the corner of Merlin's mouth.

"Come on or we'll be late for the ceremony!"

Arthur exits the room and Merlin takes a last look at himself in the mirror. He feels his magic twirl inside of him echoing the sense of completeness that is filling his heart. It has taken a long time to learn what love was and to learn how his magic worked, but looking at what he has now, at Arthur by his side and at the promise of a future together he knows that it has been worth the tears and the pain. He knows that his magic and his love for Arthur are what draw his contours, what keeps him steady and alive.


End file.
